There are many reasons or circumstances which lead a marriage into
problems. We are going to cover or focus in the most common causes
and based on these we will be able to manage others.
marriage or any relationship composed by two people were more team and
needs to be met . Such needs can be described as :
Women's needs inside a marriage are:
Affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support,
family commitment, security, protection, spiritual attention,
especially when pregnant.
Man's needs inside a marriage are:
Sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship , attractive spouse,
domestic support, admiration, encouragement, friends.
Here we have something to work with. I ask you to stop for a
moment and reflect on each aspect of each individual's needs and
identify yourself and your spouse. Be honest to analyze an
acknowledged if any of these needs are not being met by you, go
deeper and see where you are missing or lacking toward your spouse.
I believe we all feel at times if not often in some of these needs.
Most of the time because we are selfish, however after I have found
out where I was missing I have decided by god's grace to change and
you shall do the same
whenever one of these needs are not met by either one of the couple It
will open the door to a mound of complaints, individualism,
rejection, lack of trust and hide chance for one of the spouses to
seek for such a need, which is lacking, to be met by something or
someone out of the marriage Such as alcohol, drugs or adultery.
So first of all its check briefly each of the needs And how you can
work it out to fulfill your partners need.
Husbands hacking you meet your wife's needs concerning:
Affection - It is a vital key for a sweet relationship . Do you
remember how in love you were in the beginning . Burning in flames
of passion, good times right? So learn again on how to kiss
our mate, hug her/him, as you watch TV have her lay her/his head on
your lap. or wish or what she is ready and most of her hair or find
another way to please her just by being close and I mean to show
affection how are you still love
Counseling: Marriage Problems
Part II: Rebuilding your Marriage
As we have seen in part I of our study, we
must identify the root of our problem. Doing so, the next step
is to revert that situation by taking the right attitudes toward
it, bringing into your attention the fact that you and your mate
must be open to each other, exposing the matter and not hiding
it. Knowing what is causing the problem between you and your
mate always helps because with just a few adjustments things may
get on track again. But sometimes it isn’t enough and you must
apply different tactics.
We as Christians always apply God’s word
onto any situation that may come against us. If you know you are
the one to blame for just change your attitude and get back on
tract to live xxxxx, but if that is the case we must acknowledge
that many spiritual warfare start at home.
Satan always will take opportunity to step
in a relationship and make it a mess.
Even though we advise you to seek Christian
counselors at times, we also teach you some truths on how to
fight this battle using God’s xxxxx and wisdom. I guarantee you
it won’t fail.
Insights from solving life’s problem quicker
Basic attitudes you must adopt:
1.
Meaningful communication;
2.
Emotional/Romantic Times
be romantic to
you mate;
use your
imagination to express your love, care and appreciation
3.
Meaningful touch
the silent
language of love.
Eighty percent
of a woman’s desire for meaningful touch is non-sexual.
4.
Spiritual Intimacy
Faith in God
brings your relationship under God’s authority.
5.
Time
Allow time to
heal the wounds;
meantime, continue doing and fulfilling all of your
responsibilities toward your mate and home.
6.
Apply God’s Wisdom
Stay away from secular therapy that will only use worldly advise
and get all of your money. Instead, read the people, pray more
often, find your comfort by asking the Holy Spirit’s help.
God’s wisdom. Restoration guaranteed!
That is the part that I like most — using
God’s wisdom and word by Jesus’ name. There is no problem at all
that would destroy and break your family.
I understand that you may be new about this
faith business or God’s word. Considering this if it applies to
you, you must not know everything. But one, you must
accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior. Once you accept
in your heat and receive Jesus as your savior, Lord over your
life, you become reconciled to God and heir of His promises. It
would be in vain if you claimed the promises made to God’s child
not being one.
Before going any further if you are not a
Christian yet or did not receive Christ as your Savior, I invite
you to do it now. It is simply! Only have faith, believing in
your heart and repeating the following prayer by faith, Jesus
will become your Lord.
“Salvation Prayer”
Heavenly Father, I come to you in the name
of Jesus. Your word says, “Whosoever shall call on the name of
Jesus shall be saved and if you shall confess with your mouth
the Lord Jesus and believe in your that God has raised him from
the dead, you shall be saved.” (Acts 2:21/Romans 10:9) “You
said, ‘My Salvation would be the result of your Holy Spirit”
giving me new birth by coming to live in me.” (John 3:5-6,
15-16, Romans 8 9-11) “and that if I would ask, you would fill
me with your Holy Spirit. I take you at your word. I confess
that Jesus is Lord. And I believe in my heart that you raised
Him from the dead. Thank You for coming into my heart, for
giving the Holy Spirit as you promised and for being Lord over
my Life. Amen!!!”
Now you are God’s child and heir of His
promises by the sacrifice of Jesus and God’s free gift of
salvation. (Romans 8:16-17/John 3:16/Romans 5:10)
So let’s claim God’s promise over your
life, home, spouse, relationship. As you are a child of God, a
believer in Jesus and in his word, Let’s do this:
Husbands:
Besides all your efforts as a leader in the
natural world, your also need to be spiritual leader of your
home. The Bible says: “For a husband is the head of his wife as
Christ is the Head of His body, the church; He gave his life to
be her Savior.” (Ephesians 5:23) You can see that the world of
God teaches you to be the head of your wife and home as Christ
is and has been for the church, all of us. Take position before
God, be responsible with spiritual life by reading God’s word
and applying it to your daily life. Remember, if you don’t apply
or what you read or know, it won’t work. Step up and as a head
of your home, lead your wife and kids to church, evangelical
events, prayer meetings, etc.
Being the head of your wife or home does
not mean you are going to disrespect her or ignore her free
will, but always act like Christ with love! Never force
anything, but learn the true meaning of being a leader/head of
your home, learn the steps of love, kindness, humbleness and
patience, but in all be diligent according to God’s word.
Ephesians 5:25 says, And you husbands must
love your wives wit the same love Christ showed the Church. He
gave up his life for her. Think about how you must love your
wife; learn about Christ for you to as Christ in love and care.
Verse 28 goes on to say that husbands must
love their wives as their own body. So imagine how you love
yourself; how you like to be treated; how many need and desires
you have; all that you want for you, you must also want for her.
Give her your best in love, patience, tolerance, support,
romance; be comprehensive and helpful with home affairs.
I Peter 3:7 says, “In the same way, you
husbands must honor to your wives. Trat her with understanding
as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is
your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat
her as you should, your prayer will not be heard.” (NIV Bible)
There are many meanings for “honor,” but
here are the ones you must apply to your wife. Honor means:
— to treat
someone with special respect;
— something that is given to demonstrate how you admire or
respect some by something they have done;
— to do what you have agreed;
— make or do something to feel proud or glad.
Exist so many ways that you can show or
live to please and honor your wife. Stop for a moment and
reflect on the way you are conducting yourself towards your wife
is in line with God’s word. If not, you’d better get the things
straight because as you see in the end of verse 7 says if you
don’t treat her as you should this would cause your prayers not
to be answered.
As you can see before you claim and receive
God’s promise, you must adjust whatever is our of line in your
life. The bible is specific about marriage, then the same way
you must go to school before you get a diploma, you must fix the
way you live your marriage in order (??) For it to be a
blessing.
Husbands as you are the head of your home
it will depend a lot more on you for your marraige be a blessing
as God wants it to be.
— Unsaved Wife —
I Corinthians 7:12B “ . . . If a Christian
brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to
continue living with him, he must not leave her.”
Brother, forget about divorce. If your wife
is willing to live with you even though she is not a Christian
or Believer, you shall keep your marriage and treat her the
Bible’s way. Notice that on Verses 14 through 16 says that your
spouse may be converted because of your life. So stand still
always praying that God may restore your marriage and committing
into His hand you wife’s heart, mind and soul.
Husbands remember that your wife being
submitted to you and God, it never meant that she will be your
doormat. Marriage is like a corporation with it’s president and
vice-president.
Always encourage your partner daily, how
much you lave her and that things will get better. Let her know
the vows you made you will keep them before God and her. Kiss
her going in and going out. Wash her with love, romance,
sensitiveness and God’s word.
Now we are a step away to claims God’s
promise but before let’s see what your wife should do.
WIVES
Woman you are important as man in God’s
plan. Abraham was the father of many nations as the woman Sara
was the mother. Woman a blessing from God to mankind.
Proverbs 14:1 says, “ a wise woman builds
her house a foolish woman tears hers down with her own hands.”
Thus be a wise woman that will build and keep her house as God
desire and they only way you can be is through the word of God.
Let’s see how you should be living,
according to God’s word. That is the key for a peaceful home and
marriage.
I Peter 3:1 says, “In the same way, you
wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those
[husbands] who refuse to accept the good news [gospel]. Your
Godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will
be won over.” Are you being subject to your husband? Don’t be
afraid to act under submission to your husband. It does not mean
you will become a doormat, but it means you will respect his
ideas, advices, direction. It may cost you a lot sometimes to
obey a request or to comply with an order, but when you do what
God’s word says you will win in the end. I am not saying you are
going to tolerate all things quietly.
Whenever it becomes out of the line
according to God’s word and vision, you should consider it but
always use wisdom to express your opinions when it goes against
your husband’s authority. Respect must come from both and love
with kindness settle the difference. Don’t be like a unsaved
woman now you are a new born in Christ with His spirit dwelling
within you. So you are not alone. You can be yourself,
independent, with money or without, but when you decided the
married life, you have made a decision to share all things and
let your husband know and feel that he is in charge. The biggest
problem in modern families comes when the wife thinks she does
not need to respect or listen to her husband due to her
independency. Don’t fall for that.
Besides conduct you life a Godly woman in
all manner. Be moderate when dressing, a dress code sometimes is
a big issue because men are more likely to feel jealous on how
their wives dress so check yourself. Be a beautiful woman, care
about your body and clothing, but in that you do, do it to
glorify God and please your mate.
It is not me but God’s word read please I
Peter 3:3-6 and Ephesians 5:22.
Proverbs 21:09 says, “It is better to live
alone in the corner of an attic than with a contentions wife in
a lovely home.” And 21:19 says, “It is better to live alone in
the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.”
The word of God is so true about this. Are
you a crabby type. I hope not but if so let’s change.
The truth that is many cases a wife for
different reasons complains too much about small things, they
are picky and become a crabby person.
It may have things which you have the
reason to complain about but please don’t be extreme with such
things as: things put of place in the house messy garage or
because your husband like a kind of sports that you don’t. Be
mature and tolerant. A contentious wife is not wise and will
push away her husband because instead of coming how to find a
crabby woman, he will find a way to spend more time outside them
in a contentious environment, especially after a full day of
work.
Be a host in your own house, welcome your
husband love and gentleness will brake all bad moods. Learn how
to hold your peace and speak at the right moment. Sometimes they
had a terrible day at work and they will be looking for a moment
to explode and it may be on you be smart if you see this coming,
it is not o n you that he is mad at, so wait until things cool
off. Don’t play the pay back. Hold your peace instead.
Proverbs 19:14 says “Parents can provide
their sons with an inheritance of houses and walth, but only the
Lord can give an understanding wife. God does not expect you to
know all this rules for a perfect marriage.
But it is through his power that he can
change you into an understanding wife. Ask God to teach you how
to love your husband, how to be patient, tolerant and
understanding. You are a wide woman guided by the Spirit of God.
Families are destroyed because the wife doesn’t seek God’s
wisdom or guidance then she falls into Proverbs 14:1 that says:
“A foolish woman tears her house down with her own hands. As you
see it is not the enemy neither the husband but herself. You are
a Godly woman, love as so.
— Unsaved Husbands —
I Corinthians 7:13 says: “And if a
Christian woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he is
willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.
Read verse 14 to know why is that so. God may use you to save
your husband at anytime. Don’t force his conversion or extreme
changes because it is God who will do the work. Your duty and
responsibility is to give the fair treatment as your husband,
love him even more, pray daily for the Holy Spirit to transform
him and by living a Godly life before him once your living
testimony may be worth a 1000 words.
Hold on. Be still. It will come to pass
because it is God’s plan to save your home (Act 16:31).
My mother prayer for 30 years and I don’t
want even get in details on how much struggle she endured, but
the promise was fulfilled. My father is a deacon in the church.
Before he was involved with occult services as “Voodoo.”
God is faithful. Be a wise woman and
faithful to God and your husband change takes time but it will
be worth the happiness of a healed relationship and sanctified
by God.
Claiming God’s Promise
You have a right to receive what God’s word
says you do!
You are what the word of God says you are
and you can what God’s word says you can.
You may tell me this is an old saying, in
fact that may be true, but if you don’t apply its use, it is
still new.
*How to claim a promise —Find a scripture
in the bible that will back up your request or a direct promise
to you or your family or life in any aspect.
Once you have it, memorize it because in
your prayers and daily life, you must speak that verses into
your life towards your situation. Speak life to you life.
The word of God is life and it is alive as
a living being with power and might (Hebrews 4:12). Do you know
hat God created the word, the universe and everything in it by
the command of His word, He spoke into existence and ti was
created; can you realize how mighty and powerful is His word? So
when you repeat or cite a verse or scripture, you are using and
applying God’s living and mighty word. Receive it in Jesus’
name. It is power!
Jesus commended His word, He spoke, at
times He only sent and miracles happened took place.
Thus when you say and speak a word of God,
it is a command, an order ready to go and execute whatever it is
destined for.
God tells me and you the following:
It is the same with my word. I send it out
and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it
ot, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” (Isaiah 55:11)
Please read it again! Yes it is not a mistake. God told you
whenever you say or cite one of his words, it will go and
prosper. It will not come back void. The bible is the direct
word of God available to you and me.
But all is moved by faith. It is faith and
God’s word that moves and change situation, you not only shall
speak forth the promises of God or cite scriptures, but always
believe in what you say and declare it done even though you may
not see results yet. If you don’t know what is faith read Hebrew
11:1. Call things that are not as though they are.
You must confess what is gonna be done to
you by faith in God’s word until it comes to pass. God can’t
fail His word and He can’t lie nor repent. (Num 23:10) This
gives you confidence and assurance of God’s promise to the
righteous and you become righteous with God by accepting Jesus
as your Savior. You are made righteous and reconciled to God as
the word declares in 2 Corinthians 5:21.
Applying God’s promises to your family and
marriage!
There are many promises to you and your
family given by God’s word. I am citing some that you can start
applying today and eventually by reading God’s word, you will
??? and more.
1. Acts 16:31 “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be
saved, along with your entire household.” Do you believe in
Jesus, right? So this promise is for (Family and Spouse) you and
your house, family, husband, wife, kids. . . Declare it without
fear. It will come to pass. (I.e. in your prayers says: “Lord,
you told me that if I believe in you, me and my house will be
saved and I believe so please say my (spouse) . . . Declare,
say,”The name of each individual, if possible. It is good if you
can confess out loud! Along with this salvation prayer cite also
I Tim 2:4.
2.
I Corinthians 7:14 “For the Christian wife brings
holiness to her marriage and the Christian husband brings
holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not
have a Godly influence, but now they are set apart for him.” In
some others translation says your spouse is sanctified by your
life. So claim like: The word says that my spouse (say his/her
name) is sanctified through my life . . . Acting, like this you
are proclaiming a blessing over your spouse. And soon he/she
will be just as God wants them to be for you.
3.
Matthew 19:5-6, “And he said, ‘This explains why a man
leaves his mother and father is joined to his wife, and the two
are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let
no one separate them for God has joined them together.’” This
was Jesus own words. God has joined you and your spouse now you
become as one flesh that no man can separate because it is God
who has joined you both. So confess this by saying onto your
marriage against the circumstances because every time you do,
God remembers His promise to you life and you beat the enemy
with God’s word.
Do you remember when Jesus was tempted by Satan in the
wilderness, he applied and used scriptures against Satan reads
the account of Temptation in Matthew 9.
No man, no woman, no circumstances will separate you and you
have the right to claim and stand in the gap for your spouse
because the word says you both became one (Gen 2:24).
4.
Proverbs 18:22 “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure
and receives favor from the Lord.” I use this verse for both
husband and wife because God is pleased with a family and
marriage is commissioned by God since Genesis 2:24. So claim the
favor from God into your marriage. Sometimes our fight is not
against our spouse but against Satan who came to kill, destroy
and steal. (John 10:10)
5.
Psalm 128. Claim all versus to your family and marriage
especially verse 3. “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine,
flourishing within your home and look all those children! There
they sit around your table as vigorous and healthy as young
olive trees.
I don’t know about you but the verses from 1-4 ( love them) give
me so much confidence because I fear the Lord look closely that
it is not restricted only for man but for wives, too. Verse 4
even goes further and says, “It is the rewards of those who fear
God.” So it is for us. Claim, declare and receive it!
We could go on and on with God’s promise
but I don’t want to take away the pleasure that you will find by
searching on your own. I assure you that you will find
marvelous, powerful and mighty promises. Apply, declare and
receive it by faith.
They key is don’t quit. It will come to
pass the enemy may even try to discourage you by planting
thoughts that nothing is changing. Don’t give in; he is a liar
and he knows how close you are to receiving what you are
believing God for. Be patient. Faith at times is tested but if
you endure, he victory is yours.
Before you fail by trusting God’s word, God
would have to fail and as God never fails, I assure the victory
is yours.
— Close the Doors! —
Change your habits!
Well, the promises of God are real and for
us, the righteous, son of God, every promise comes with its
condition.
Take some time off and read the whole
chapter of Deuteronomy 28. The first 14 verses will tell you
about great promises which you may claim for you and
consecutively all curses and all are based upon obedience of
God’s word and commandments. That was then and now!
You become righteous by accepting Jesus as
Lord over your life it is automatic. However, it requires from
you to live as so.
The promises will come forth, there is no
doubt it, but for those whom live according to God’s will and
word.
You may say, “It was to good to be true.”
And I tell you it is good. Living after God’s word requires a
lot of discipline , but it is possible God not expect you to be
perfect but you must do your part by trying to leave behind old
habits and sinful habits, allowing your mind to be renewed by
God’s word. (Roman 12:2) God also know it is a long process
where we fail and stumble at times but what matters is getting
up and moving on. We may at times sin but we don’t live under
the law of sin. So I advise to close some windows of:
Closing doors and windows for
1. Immorality: immorality within your
marriage can be of a wide range, but let’s focus in some as:
Pornography I know how exciting and pleasurous(??). It
drives you to levels that you think you may not reach without
it. That is a tactic of Satan to deceive. Many men are into
pornography, bit it is as bad as adultery, besides most times
you are disrespecting your spouse. Cut it off. Pray that God may
deliver you from that, destroy all materials inside of your
house and consecrate yourself to god. Little by little you can
enjoy sex with your spouse without being immoral. (Internet) It
has been a vessel of the enemy to enter inside your house, if
used not in a proper and decent way.
Internet It has been a vessel of the enemy to
enter inside your house, if used not in a proper and decent way.
Be careful with chat rooms because with the excuse of being
along you may start chatting with an opposite sex and it may
lead you to another direction. Avoid this for the sake of your
marriage and spouse.
Fantasies It is common among men to have all sorts
of sexual fantasies. Today the culture of free expression and
sexual freedom drive couples to engage in destructive
relationship by allowing some fantasies full of immorality to be
part of their intimate moments. I know that many times our
carnal mentality seeks only the pleasure, but it is so short
that is not worth even to think about it. We better let the Holy
Spirit renew our minds and you must choose not to participate or
be part of immorality. You fantasies if comes out of bounds may
hurt deeply your marriage in a long range. Fantasies are healthy
when does not calls into it perversion. Judge yourself by God’s
word once this may be a sensitive subject.
Dirty Talking Avoid at all costs, you may not realize
how small things. As a dirty joke can open the door to the
enemy. Don’t give a place to the devil to entice you. Don’t set
yourself in a position where you know temptation may occur
during a conversation, especially with the opposite sex.
Remember that our mind controls our body. So if you feed your
mind with dirty talking, obscene language and conversation about
immorality you are setting yourself in a position to step into
the next level that could be commit a sin. Ask God to cleanse
you mind and purify you mouth with Jesus blood.
As I said before we could write a book
about immorality in today’s society, but as you are an adult
able to judge and correct your actions, I urge you to keep as
far away as possible from anything connected to immorality,
sexual impurity, worldly-minded friendships (they may be too
open-minded your new life in Christ. The question to account is
saving your marriage.
CLOSING
We have covered many things in a short
time, but keep on think in mind. Marriage is composed by three
people: you, your spouse and God. But only take two people to
restore it, you and God.
Seek god as much as you can, things may
take some time to change. However, if you remain through the
storms holding on your faith rooted in God’s word, you won’t
fail. You can’t fail.
As the bible says, “Don’t be anxious about
anything, but in all things take to God in prayer because He
cares for you.
God’s design for marriage is for the wife
to respect her husband and the husband to be sensitive and
loving toward his wife. Husband and wife are to receive through
each toher the blessing from God’s loving care, grace and
guiding truth.
This sounds wonderful and it can be even
though at times may come some painful moments. It requires being
vulnerable, resolving conflicts, and being confronted with the
truth even when it hurts. Working through such difficulties is
part of God’s plan for helping us mature/
Be patient; don’t give up on your marriage.
The victory is yours in Jesus’ name.
Next edition of our studies you will find a
subject specifically about sex and dysfunctions within sexual
life. How to deal with delicate issues using God’s wisdom.
Here to Help
God bless you!
Whenever one of these needs are not met by
one of the spouses, it will open the door to a mountain of
complaints, individualism, rejection, lack of trust and a high
chance for one of the spouses seeking for such needs, which is
lacking, to be met by something or someone out of marriage such
as alcohol, drugs or adultery.
So, first of all, let’s check briefly each
of these needs and how you can work it out to fulfill your
partner’s needs.
Husbands! How can you meet yours wife’s
need of:
Affection — It is a vital key for a
sweet relation. Do you remember how in love you were in the
beginning burning in flames of passion . . . good times right?
So learn again on how to kiss your wife, hug her, lay her on
your lap watch TV or while she is reading and massage her hair
or find any other way to please her just by being close and I
mean to show affection how you still love her.
Sometimes we don’t feel like, for so many
reasons as being tired of work. But remember it is not about
????, it is about her needs to be met, so do it because you care
about her. You love her, don’t let anything stop you from
showing affection onto her. We men may not need ???, but they
for sure do!
Conversation — I know sometimes you
are tired, sleepy or busy . . . I don’t care what is the excuse,
but you ‘must’ take time off exclusively to listen and talk to
your wife daily. Hard as it is, I have been there myself,
but you can do it. Sit down or at time to put kids in bed or bed
time before sleep or during meals you must let her know that you
want to listen from her, about her day, what happened? How was
she? What did she do? What is new? And go on . . . Then you
tell about you develop a conversation.
Sometimes a marriage ends because we don’t
talk. It seems to be something small, but if not applied set
people in a distance under the same roof.
Conversation walks along with affection
don’t let it to happen only when you are about to do sex, if you
act as son she will realize what is you main interest. Many
husbands fail on this matter. If this matter fits you, change it
today. I gave you some tips. Apply them.
Honesty and Openness — How can you live
with someone if you don’t trust and to trust you must be honest
with that person. Be honest and open to talk, to share your
thoughts, desires and feeling she expects you to be her friend.
Many are only husband but we must be their best friend to be a
good husband. If you expect honest from her be honest first.
Took me a long time to realize that my wife
was my best friend for all things. We are open to each other in
all aspects and honesty. It is dangerous. If you hide but you
get credibility for being honest. Be your wife best friend. Both
will delight on it. Proverbs 18:24.
Financial Support — We don’t need to
spend a lot fo time on this because you know your
responsibilities towards your wife and house. Briefly, she
expects you to provide for all her needs especially financially.
We live in a society which demands a lot of money to possess or
buy all our material needs, sometimes it is tough and you must
find an extra job or manager better the money to cover all your
home and wife’s expenses.
Bills don’t wait, but if you are organized
and work them with your wife, you are going to be all right
besides God has promised to cover and supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19).
Even though you are a man, don’t feel
undermined if things get tough and your wife need to get a job,
remember, she is also your friend and will help you, always
keeping in mind that you should do your best to support the
major financial needs of your hose.
Family Commitment — Your wife expects you
to be active with the family daily issues. She expects you to
participate on a daily basis, caring not only for “the main
thing,” but to help with kids, home errands and devote time to
house and family affairs.
Spend more time with your wife and kids,
take them out for a ride or a park or any other recreational
activity. You may work out of your home on your free time you
want to rest and stay home and for sure we all need rest or
relax. However, we must not be selfish. You need to find time or
squeeze if need to be committed to spend quality time with your
wife, going out for a date at least every other week. It is a
must if not every week.
You don’t need to spend money. If that is
the case, sometimes take her for a good walk. It works fine.
Remember you are committed to love, care and be a real companion
for all times.
We could talk about different view
regarding family commitment, but my focus is only on your time
(life) dedicated to your wife and house, help with every things
possible such as: dishes, laundry, cleaning, shopping, doing
things that will surprise her, things that she would not expect,
she will appreciate.
Security and Protection — Both needs
go along with each other. You are supposed to provide security
and protection to your wife, house or family by being mature
responsible to family affairs, committed to cover all needs
regarding to material needs and physical. Woman must feel
secured and protected by their husband against storms of life.
Most time through affection you give her
more security and protection than being a “Brutus” or macho man,
a simple hug that may not mean anything to you for her it will
mean comfort, love, approval.
Special Attention Especially When
Pregnant — I have failed a lot this season of my marriage,
even though I was close. Many times I failed in affection and
exclusively attention. Husbands have a tendency to show little
appreciation or affection. Due to lack of sex many women when
pregnant for different reasons are less likely to keep their
sexual appetite as before sometimes they don’t feel comfortable,
sometimes pain or sickness or changes suffered by their body and
mind.
We don’t understand and we feel that we are
being denied sex. We become selfish and irritated instead of
support them and try to understand.
My advise to you when this time comes to
your life, it is a blessing from God. Enjoy it with her by
comforting her, caring as much as you, loving, showing
affection, being tolerant and patient. Believe me any woman
reacts different when pregnant so don’t think because your
mother was strong or your sister was brave will cause your wife
to be the same. It may be; it may not be.
Your duty and responsibility if dedicate
yourself to support her through this season by being patient,
tolerant and loving her. Remembering always that we love sex,
but women love affection and attention than anything else and
pregnancy is only a season. Soon it will pass and she will be
the same as before.
When attention and affection are not met by
your wife, when she is pregnant, it will cause effect or hurts
that will follow your relation for a long time. We may not see
it until it comes. So prevent sorrows by loving and giving
attention to your wife. Be on her side; don’t let her feel
rejected. Encourage her and show admiration for her body say
about her qualities and show how much you are anxious with your
baby touch and play with her belly. You are going to reap good
fruits later.
Wives! How can you meet your husbands needs
of:
Sexual fulfillment — that’s #1 issue in all
marriages, the reality is no marriage can survive without sex for a
long time. As long as sexual fulfillment is bot being met by one
of the partners or both, it will lead to isolation or fights.
Sexual issues and problems related are of a
wide range. I am not here to tell you the solution for the
matters concerning sexual life or sexual dysfunction, but I am
here to encourage and advise you on to handle.
Talking plain and simple, all men (no
exceptions) have a high tendency to be satisfied in marriage
only when they get out of sex all they expect. At times, men are
selfish where it leads to problem because sex is designed by God
to be a giving relationship being totally open and honest before
your mate.
Wife is you are facing problems in your
sexual life, I advise you to sit down openly and talk play clean
and honest he doesn’t know what you think unless you tell him.
Don’t judge or point fingers. Just say openly what please and
what does not please you. He may also have to say or claim
something that is missing and many cases simple by talking you
resolve a big issue.
Wife understand your husband’s needs; men
at time are irrational for sex. Be willing for the sake of your
marriage to be vulnerable and allow for both sex as much as
possible
Sometimes demands sacrifice from you but
once again relationship is not only you. The same way women love
affection and romance men love sex. A wise woman even though
going through her own struggles shall not neglect her sexual
life because this would lead a door for the enemy (Satan) to sow
a seed in your relation and your husband after a time may seek
outside marriage other kinds of sexual fulfillment. Be wise,
tolerant, giving, try new methods to approach sex not by any
such means allowing immorality.
Recreational Companionship
All men like to spend some time having fun
with family, friends, outdoor activities. So I encourage you to
supportive and follow your husband as often as possible to his
recreational moments.
I know sometimes it may be boring, for
example, watching a football games or fishing or any other type
of activity you may not like but try to participate and go
along. It is worthy, after all, besides it is also a door for
you to him into the things you like.
Another escape is by finding something that
both like to do. Don’t be boring; enjoy marriage and
companionship of each other.
Attractive Spouse
A husband seeks to come home and find his
wife ready to meet him. Now I imagine myself being tired of a
work day or coming back from along trip and when you knock on
the door, your mate receives you with a hair all messed up,
grand mon clothes and with an appearance of someone of someone
that lost hope. No, no,????
Woman get ready to welcome home your
husband every day nicely, beautiful as alwasy, attractive with a
sex appeal look. Don’t be only a wife, mother or housewife, be
the woman that your husband fell in love. If you don’t care
about being attractive, you may cause him to lose interest even
for sex.
Domestic Support
Proverbs 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds
her house; a foolish woman tears her down with her own hands.
A husband always expects to receive from
his wife the same treatment given by his mother when it concerns
about home and domestic care.
You as wife must give priority to your home
affairs before any labor. You have made a choice, “family,” so
family comes first then personal agenda or individualism. Set
your priorities always putting first the needs of your home,
husband, kids and then all other duties. Wives sometimes by
working outside or going to school neglect or act reckless with
the house duties such as: having all cleaned, cooking, laundry,
etc. I am not suggesting you should do all by yourself, but do
what you know you were supposed to do in order to fulfill your
husband expectations.
Admiration and Encouragement
Show admiration to your husband. Let him
know you appreciate what he does,. Bring out and expose his
qualitites. This will give him confidence by knowing you really
know about him. Encourage on his ideas, works and tasks. Men are
like kids. Sometimes, they need to feel loved, admired and
supported so walk along with your love. Try to encourage him
through your words, actions and companionship.
Friends
More than woman, men have friends; from
school, work, street, etc. They tend to keep these friends after
marriage and some of them can become a headache to you. You feel
that they influence your husband or are not suitable for his new
life and in many cases friends can really bother a couple. If
your marriage is being disturbed by friends that’s what you do.
Show your husband where the friendship is causing problems.
Don’t fight over his friends; it is useless. Try to pull him out
by inviting him to a new activity to fulfill the time taken by
such friends. Eventually spending time with you will fill that
gap. Soon he will leave such friends.
I believe by now you have identified some
of the needs in both sides which must be fulfilled; if so act on
these principles and all will alright because sometimes we try
to blame God ro Satan for our own and own mistakes and faults os
whatever is within your capacity and ability to do in order to
fix or restore marriage ????. Don’t wait until the boat sinks.
TIPS to restore or bring on harmony
into your marriage:
_
PRAY — Take time to pray. If your mate believes in prayer at any
time a situation is raised between you, don’t argue about it.
Invite your mate to present the situation before God with
confidence because He cares about you and He is just waiting on
your call. (Hebrews 4:16/I Peter 5:7).
_
Be real but be patient, support instead of get away, use
encouragement and loyalty it will work in your favor.
_
Listen and exact yourself even though you may be right, use an
attitude of submission this will cool things off. Hold your
peace and bridle your tongue.
_
Don’t judge neither be an accuser. It would only promote further
isolation and confrontation.
_
Learn to forgive and let it go. Never use the “pay-back
attitude;” neither hold a grudge against your mate. We always
mess up before God and He always forgives us. So do as well,
forgive. (Colossians 32:3)
_
Talk. Don’t hide from each other. You shall work all things out
as adult friends that love and care about each other. If
something hurts you, don’t be quiet generative resentment in
your heart and soul but speak up, being humble, you express what
you want to be changed.
_ We
need to be accountable to each other, be open, as advice and expect
to be evaluated by your mate. Remember, marriage is two people
joined as one. So thing and work as one.Well, I believe you are able now to get up.
Don’t conform to you marriage situation and start marching toward
restoration. Believe in God’s word and it will come to pass.
This week read Psalm 128 and claim that promise
to your family, marriage. If you fear the Lord, it applies to you.
Believing in God’s word, you won’t fail because God is faithful to
His word. Pray and ready the word of God.
God Bless you. We are praying for you!